


For A Brief Lifetime

by Cheyenne_6698



Category: Marie Antoinette (2006)
Genre: Adultery, Child Death, F/M, Growing Up, Major character death - Freeform, Revelations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 02:30:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14510562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheyenne_6698/pseuds/Cheyenne_6698
Summary: A look at what Louis thinks throughout the course of his marriage to Antoinette, from beginning to end.





	For A Brief Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the movie, Marie Antoinette, that is completely Sofia Coppola. While there is some historical facts, it is mostly based off the movie.

From the first time he laid eyes on her, Louis knew his heart was lost. Marie was everything that he dreamed of and far more. She was delicate, beautiful, a human version of a china doll. She was so tiny, stepping out of the huge gilded carriage that had met her at the border, yet she held her head high, even as her tiny hands shook and her clear blue eyes were full of fear. There was no possible on earth, Louis thought, that this beauty was for him. How gracefully she thanked the Duc de Choiseul for their union, the impish way she greeted his grandfather, delighting him immediately. Any fears and worries he had had that her beauty, grace, and charms had been exaggerated were immediately quenched. And yet, when she had curtsied before him, her eyes scanning his face, searching him for something, he could feel something inside his stomach clench. For what or if she found it, he knew not.Louis wondered if he was everything that she had expected, or was he far less. He knew he wasn’t as good looking as his brothers, far less charming, and even less able to interact with people without protocol dictating what to do. Marie just gave him the most simple, yet honest smile, “It is wonderful to meet the man, who I know will make me quite happy for the rest of my life.”

Oh, how Louis wanted that to be true. But there was no way that him, pudgy, clumsy, old Louis was meant to have this angel. For that’s what she looked like as she came down the aisle towards him in that white gown, and angel who’s cheek he was unworthy to kiss and whose hand he was unworthy to place a ring on. That night after the bedding party went away, he feigned sleep until he heard her breath even out, and then turned to her in awe. She looked even more like an angel, her hair in golden waves spread out upon their pillows. Hand shaking, he gently stroked it down that velvet-like skin, before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead and making her a solemn vow, “I promise I shall do whatever is in my power to do to make you happy.”

It had not been easy of course, to uphold the vow during their first few weeks together. They were still so strange to each other. Strangers, yet married, what an odd combination.As much as Marie tried to connect with him, he found himself yanking away, much to her, and his own disgust. He knew that she was terrified in this new land, as much as she tried to hide it, and that she really was trying with him, but they were so different. She was a ball of sunshine, who loved to dance and sing and entertain. Marie honestly couldn’t sit still for a moment, always needing to be doing something. Louis wished he could be like her, could be more outgoing, but it just seemed that he was too far set in his awkward ways. She seemed to be making friends almost immediately, though he knew his aunts weren’t quite as fond of her as they were trying to make it seem, but she had enchanted his grandfather, which is what truly mattered. 

He had heard the whispers through the halls for the weeks after his brother;s son was born. They glared and demanded that she now give them an heir. Frigid, they called his Marie, Marie who was basically the human incarnation of sunlight. He wanted to yell and shout and wave his arms at them to leave her alone, that it wasn’t her that was the fault, that it was HIM who was incapable. Louis knew that if he let such a thing lose though, that his grandfather would have his head. He was meant to be the perfect, French dauphin, and must let his Austrian wife bear the blame. He stood on the other side of the doorway as he heard he sob, and his heart ached. He longed to go and comfort her, but knew that he was the cause of her pain and quietly slipped away. It almost seemed after the birth of his nephew that Marie threw herself even more into the frivolous things of court, spending more and more on the newest fashions and jewels, losing more at the gambling tables than ever before. Louis quietly paid away her debts, it was the least he could do as he failed in every other aspect of being a husband.

The masked ball was even more of a wake up call for him. Sneaking out of the palace had been exhilarating, even more so than when he was on the hunt. As dalphin, he has always been protected and followed the rules and protocols to the t, trying to set a good example for his younger brothers, but sneaking out with Marie…..it was a thrill he had never experienced before. Her laughter rang out as they all tried to cram in the tiny carriage, despite the hushing from their friends to be quiet else the guards would hear. And watching her dance once they arrived was How that man just openly questioned if he had taken Marie’s virginity yet, the others within hearing nodding their heads, waiting on him to answer. Even growing up in court and knowing everything that happened in their bedroom would be up for open discussion, he was disgusted by their enthusiasm to gossip about it. His disgust was multiplied tenfold when the man volunteered himself to bed his wife. Marie was their dauphine, the future queen of France, yet they spoke of her as if she was nothing more than a common harlot at the brothel down the street. For the rest of the night, everywhere he looked, he could just see the lust written on every man’s face there as they looked at his wife. “But she’s not really yours yet,” his inner voice spoke at him, “you haven’t truly made her yours.”

The morning of his grandfather’s death, he had never felt such fear as he did when the crowd rushed in the room, declaring him Louis the Sixteenth. “Dear God, guide us and protect us. We are too young to reign.” There had never been a more true statement he had ever made in his life. They were far too young, Marie not even eighteen. Yet, it was she who seemed to be the more stable one of them in this situation. The morning of his coronation, he had almost broken down in tears. Nevermore had he missed his father more than this moment. He should have been there, this should have been his day, he should have been the proud son, finally moving up into the position of being crown prince. His valets had said nothing all morning except what an honor it was to serve him. It was Marie who broke protocol and comforted him. “When my father died, my brother was not ready to rule either. It was his good fortune to still have my mother at his side, and even then, she still runs most things in the empire. I cannot say that I have my mother’s mind nor talent for ruling, but I swear to you this, I will always stand at your side and support you and the decisions that you make.” 

Hearing that the great Joseph of Austria was coming to visit them was terrifying. Though he knew of the great age difference between Marie and her eldest brother, each and every time she spoke of him, she spoke of the loving and protective relationship that they had shared, despite the fourteen years between. He could hear her happy squeals down the hall as they were reunited as well as her question, “Have you come to bring me home?” It pierced him to the heart, after so many years, she still longed to go home. He feared what this man would say to him, after all, he had made his most beloved sister very unhappy, but Joseph was not the cold man that the talk of the court had led him to believe. Instead, he finally explained things in a way Louis could understand, why if his grandfather had explained it this way ages ago how easier their lives would have been. Locks and keys are so easy to understand in his mind. Joseph seemed to know exactly how to explain everything in a way he could understand, even Marie. “My sister…..well, I will not pretend that she is always the most delightful woman to deal with. She is our mother’s daughter, and as the youngest, I’m afraid that we most likely doted upon her far too much for her own good. Antoinette, more than anything, just longs for your affection. She has known for as long as she can probably remember that it would not be for love that she married, yet she still had those frivolous, ridiculous dream every young girl does. I would ask you to try and humor her. Be gentle and thoughtful, but remember that you are the man in this marriage.”

That night is truly the first night that he feels as if he is married. He now can completely understand the nights when Marie cuddled close to him, longing to be touched. Her sighs and soft whimpers were like music to his ears. Was this why his brother would lock himself away for hours at a time with his wife? At first, it was the true first connection that the two of them seemed to share. They grew together in this knowledge, first, clumsy and almost medical in their movements but as the nights went on he learned where to kiss to make her sigh, how to twist to make her moan, what rhythm would make her throw her head back and pant before crying his name out to the heavens. For the first time in his life, Louis truly felt that he was doing something right.

Louis thinks that he realizes that he loves her the day that she gives him their own little Marie. The labor had been long and hard,for moments, there was times that he truly feared that he was going to lose her. The almost suffocating mass of people in the room were not helping, as they gossiped and stared as his precious wife panted, pushed, and screamed their child into this world. Louis had wanted to be at her side, holding her hand through this miracle, but stayed away as decorum demanded of him. Nothing could stop him  The pure joy on her face, even as others showed their unhappiness that it was a girl was utterly enchanting.”Look at her, Louis, she’s absolutely perfect.” The child she held, was, her little golden curls already showing, with ruby red cheeks and a pert little nose like her mother. Yet when those tiny eyes opened, they were the color of storm grey clouds like his own. This little creature truly was the most perfect combination of them both.

After her birth, when he had given Petit Trianon, he saw less and less of her each day, then it was only a few times a week, then only once or twice a month. Louis was not blind nor deaf, he knew of the parties she threw and the company she kept, though her parties were no where near as wild as they had once been. Becoming a mother had changed Marie, tamed her, made her more cautious. She had taken to dressing in a more relaxed manner, even having farm animals brought so that she could learn to milk and gather her own eggs. While he would not tell her, this did alleviate some of the burden from their household as his ministers were scrabbling to deal with the rising debts. Louis regretted having her attend the ball for the soldiers coming home from America. He knew from her reaction to Count Ferson of what might happen. From that night on, the rumors only grew and stirred, and he tried to turn a blind eye to the pain in his heart. If it made Marie happy, then it was worth it. After everything she had done for him, everything she had given up, he would give anything to keep her happy.Louis would not lie and say that he was not jealous that it was Ferson who was causing Marie so much joy, that it was him and not Louis who was making her sigh in pleasure and doing such unspeakable things to her delightful body. He would not say though, that he was upset when the count left and Marie returned to their marriage bed. No, he would not say he was upset at all.

Of course, as soon as this were to happen, there was the fiasco with the damned necklace*. He had been furious with her at first, by this point, she knew of the troubles plaguing the country, how could she be so thoughtless, he had demanded to know.These were the kinds of things that stirred up revolutions. Marie had cried and pleaded with him, saying that she was set up and framed, that she had commissioned no new necklaces for months, and had in fact demanded that they stop sending her and little Marie diamonds, to ask Ambassador Mercy if he doubted her. So he had looked into the matter more thoroughly, speaking to the ambassador, and looking at the correspondence that Cardinal Rohan claimed was from her, only to realize that she had been right all along, that Rohan had been played for a fool, and had attempted to drag them all down with his foolishness. He berratted him for well over an hour for not realizing that not Marie or any queen of France before her signed their letters ‘de France’. Not enough apologizing in the world could make Louis feel better in doubting his wife, no matter how much she declared otherwise.

The birth of their second child, the long awaited son, was even more a momentous moment for them and all of France than he had even imagined. In this time of trouble in their country, there was still hope for the future. As all around him celebrated, he could not take his eyes off the image of his wife holding their newborn son, that the happiness on her face was the same as when she had held their daughter for the first time. As the celebrations moved out into the many salons throughout Versailles, and he could spend alone time with his family. Little Marie was escorted in quietly by her nurse, only to rush to her mother’s side as soon as she caught sight of the new babe.Louis Joseph, they named him, their little hope for the future, who would one day sit in his place. Two more times afterwards, Marie saw fit to bless him, first with Louis Charles, whom his brother could not feel prouder of his namesake, and then their most precious little darling, Sophie.

Then there was the sorrow and pain of losing not one, but two of their children. The sounds that came from Marie at their deaths practically tore his heart out, and it took all of his strength to hold her in her arms as she reached out desperately for the body of their little Sophie as the doctors carried her away. He thought nothing could feel as horrible. Nothing that is until they lost their little Louis Joseph. Then there was no consoling her, nor did Louis wish to stop her, and this time, not only did they mourn, but all of France mourned the loss of their little prince, the hope for the future. Poor little Marie and Louis Charles couldn’t understand how their brother could be there one night and gone the next.

Yet everything seemed to pile on at once. The loss of their children, the fall of the Bastille. This revolution was something that he should have been able to see coming. Yet, he had relied too much on his advisors, had been paying too much attention to the goings on in his home and not what was happening around them. Their friends left them quickly, some fleeing without a word, afraid for their lives and belongings, some had to be sent away, reluctant to leave their monarchs even in the danger. Ambassador Mercy was only leaving after an armed guard from Austria arrived to take him home, but he shed many tears at having to leave the beautiful queen whom he had brought when she was just a girl to this world. But Marie wouldn’t go, even as he begged her. “I swore to you on your first night as King, that I would be by your side, no matter what. So here I will stay. Until you go, I will not.”

The rioters came from Paris, surrounding their beloved home in the dead of night. The flames from their torches illuminating every room, their shouts echoing down the halls that only once contained laughter.Louis instinctually put himself between the breaking glass and his beloved wife, who cradled their crying children in her arms. In this moment, Louis now understood the primitive desire to protect that he had read about, the need to put himself in harm's way for those he called his. And yet, as the cries grew louder and louder for her, Louis watched in horror as Marie handed off their son to his nursemaid, his daughter’s tiny hand slipping inside his. Instinctually, he picked her up, though he realized that this was maybe one of the first times he had every actually held his own child in his arms, and this may be one of the last. His darling angel pressed a kiss against their daughter’s cheek and then against his own. “I will be but a moment, ma cherie.” With that wondrous, unearthly grace that she had had for as long as he had known her, she had bowed to them, this hord who had come for her blood.  And at the end of that long night, when they were escorted from Versailles, despite the lack of sleep, and the two weeping children clinging to her, Marie continued to hold her head high and make him proud, even when he could tell she was moments away from breaking down herself.

And now, in their final days together, Louis could only regret that he hadn’t told her he loved her sooner, hadn’t acted on his affection from the moment they met. So many wasted years that they could have spent enjoying each other much more closely rather than living basically as married strangers. He regretted not forcing her to flee to Switzerland with the rest of their friends or sending her and the children to her brother in Austria, where they would’ve been safe. Now, each day might be their last, and he feared each morning might be the last time he awoke with her, the last time he played soldiers with his son, the last time he tucked his daughter in bed. In these days, he regretted not spending more time with his family when he had the chance, of sticking to the rigid protocols of his own childhood. He knew that there was not much time left, not after they paraded Lamballe’s head past the window of their prison. And soon enough, they came for him. That morning they pulled her from his arms, dragging from him from her as she cried and screamed for him. “Louis, oh God, LOUIS! Please, no, have mercy. LOUIS! I love you, oh my darling, I LOVE YOU!”

That was the first and the last time he heard those words from her. But now, as he faced the bloody platform and jeering crowds, he found courage from her declaration. There were many things in his life that he wished he could go back in change, that he had been a better king, a better father, brother, son, and grandson. But the one thing he would never take back was his love for his beautiful Marie Antoinette. Even if it was only for a brief lifetime.

 

*****  
Note: The Affair of The Diamond Necklace was a scandal occuring in 1785 that some say led to the French populace’s disillusionment with the monarchy. For more details, check out: http://crimescandalspectacle.academic.wlu.edu/marie-antoinette-femme-fatale-or-scandalized-victim/the-diamond-necklace-affair/

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this work, it was an absolutely a joy to do. After watching the movie for the first time, I just couldn't stop myself from rewatching again and again, and suddenly working on this. Marie Antoinette has always been one of my favorite tragic queens in history. Feel free to kudos, comment, and give positive feedback, I absolutely love hearing from you guys. 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Cheyenne_6698


End file.
